Another widow is born

As I slowly turned the chilly door knob of the funeral home to go to Dave Schmidgall's visitation, all of the memories came back of four years ago when I was in the same place as Janet (Dave's widow).  A shudder came over me and I took a deep breath.  This was going to be very difficult.  Dave was 50 when he died; Tom, my husband, was 53.  Not much difference in age but thankfully, our children were grown.  

As I meandered through the visitation line waiting to wish my condolences to the family, I stood by a neighbor who asked me, "How are you?"  Instinctively, I told him that "I was good."  I didn't tell him that I dreaded being in this funeral home because it brought back so many sad memories.  I tried to concentrate on Janet and her children, but my mind would wander again to four years ago.  I thought of all of the long hours Janet and her children would be standing in line with all of the people.  I knew the faces would become blurred, names would go through Janet's head but later she wouldn't remember everyone who was there because of the suddenness and shock of Dave's death.  I knew Janet was trying to be strong for Rachel and Martha and yet grieve for her lost husband.  Janet would no longer have a partner who knew what she was thinking before she said it.  She would no longer have a husband to share things about their children.  She could no longer call her husband on the phone to share info about the kids and little things that were happening. The loneliness would be a big factor, too.  Her soul mate had died and taken a piece of her hearth with him.  

As I was deep in thought, I suddenly realized it was my turn now to go through the line of family and wish them my deepest sympathy.  As I approached Ruth Ann, Janet's sister and my daughter's lifelong friend, I could see she was crying. I pulled her close and gave her a big motherly hug wishing I could take away the pain from this family.  As I moved up the line, I approached Karen, Janet's mom, who opened up her arms and gave me the biggest hug.  She whispered in my ear, "You know how it is."  I just shook my head up and down.  I couldn't speak because I did know how it was and a tear slowly began running down my cheek.  As I quickly brushed the tear away, I thought of how I have survived without my husband and the loneliness that is always there.  Janet will feel this loneliness, too, but she will cope as I do each day.  She will keep moving on in life for her children and herself.  Slowly time will heal a part of her heart that is raw and hurting.

I know God is there for Janet, her children and her family.  Karen, Janet’s mom, explained it better than anyone could.  She said, “God has a reason for this.”  Maybe someday people will figure it out and understand why God works in mysterious ways.   I know God’s love will give Janet and her family inner peace and help them move on in life.   God does things in HIS time, not ours and we must understand this in order to find that inner peace that everyone longs for and truly does exist.